Friendship in Marriage

Week 5: Friendship in Marriage

 

Our date this week was a hike up Stone Mountain.

One of the biding ingredients in a lasting happy marriage is friendship. In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman explains this,
“At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks hopes and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in big ways but through small gestures day in and day out.”
How do we become this kind of friend with our spouse? Some things that have worked in my marriage are

1. Date Night: we try to set aside a time each week where we can connect. This is a time that is usually just the two of us. We can catch up on the good and bad that has happened during the week. If ever we seem out of sync, it can usually be tracked back to missing date night.
2. Try things together: This might seem strange, but instead of doing something I like or something he likes we try to find things we like together. For instance, neither one of us really hiked before we got married. We have found it is something we enjoy together.
3. Sometimes, we do things that the other one likes: I love the beach; my husband hates it. However, he will take me at least once a year because he knows it makes me happy. He is usually fully dressed under an umbrella with a hat on so he will not get sunburned, but he does it. I do not love yard work, but my husband does, so it is worth it to me to help in the yard to make him happy.
4. We put our marriage before other friendships: We do not allow other people or other activities to come before each other.
5. Small acts of kindness: Some things are just easy to do. I can pick up my husband's favorite treat while I'm at the grocery store. He might grab me a bouquet of flowers while he is out. These things just say, "hey I thought about you". These small acts are more necessary than the big dramatic shows of love. 

Doing these things helps us to avoid some of the pitfalls of marriage. I will not say we have never been mad at each other, but when we are angry with each other or have an argument, there is enough friendship and admiration for the one another. to pull us through it.

A bunch of sunflowers, my favorite, given for no reason! Just to say I thought about you today and I love you!