Week 12: Counseling in Marriage
After all the ingredients
are added and mixed baking the cookie is the next step. It has to be done at
the right temperature, and time or the cookies will burn. Counseling in a
marriage is the same as cooking a cookie. It has to be done in the right way.
It needs the perfect balance of husband and wife sharing ideas. If one spouse
is overly vocal and the other has no input, it puts the marriage in jeopardy.
Counseling together is a
learning process. It takes time and dedication to the process to make it work.
Husband and wife should come together regularly to discuss issues that affect
their marriage and family. A council is defined as “an advisory, deliberative,
or legislative body of people formally constituted and meeting regularly”. With
this definition in mind we see the husband and wife serving in the advisory or
legislative body of the family. They serve equally in this capacity to help
lead their family. Many have wondered who should be in charge of the family.
The answer is both husband and wife! Rick Miller teaches in an address at the
BYU Family Life Conference in 2008,
“Healthy
marriages consist of an equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Many
marital problems have as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles
over who has control in the relationship. Research makes it very clear that
issues about power is predictive of marital problems, including violence.
Research also demonstrates that unequal power relationships in marriage are
predictive of depression. Thus, research consistently finds that happy
relationships are most likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares
power and has a true partnership. These research findings are consistent with
doctrines found in the gospel.”
M. Russel Ballard
gives us some ideas of things we can do to make counseling together beneficial.
These ideas are adapted from how the leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-Day Saints operates.
1.
Start
with an agenda.
a.
Each
person should know what needs to be discussed ahead of time. With time the
person is able to have thoughts ready.
2.
There
is an opening prayer.
a.
Invite
the spirit to be present
3.
Each
person is given time to speak.
a.
Uninterrupted
time to give ideas and opinions. No opinion is a bad one.
4.
Decide
on a recommendation.
5.
Open
it up for further discussion if necessary
a.
Not
a time for the same things to be said, but additional thoughts or feedback.
6.
A
Vote is made
7.
Decision
is come to in full unity.
a.
If
there is not unity the subject needs to be discussed further.
Elder
Ballard further states,
“I have seen differences of opinion presented in these
deliberations. Out of this very process of men speaking their minds has come a
sifting and winnowing of ideas and concepts. But I have never observed serious
discord or personal emnity among my Brethren. I have, rather, observed a
beautiful and remarkable thing—a coming together under the directing influence
of the Holy Spirit, and under the power of revelation, of divergent views,
until there is total harmony and full agreement.”
When husbands and wives come
together to discuss topics for their marriage and family they too can have this
unity and harmony. As a couple invites the spirit of the Lord and counsel
together they are entitled to the revelations the Lord has for them. They can
reach a decision together and move forward as one.
You can go to these links to read more on counseling. Be aware this is meant for church governance. It can be revised to fit a family council's needs.
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